Yeah I know, that is not nice or therapeutic things to say, but it is true. Grief is the only emotion/feeling/state that I can think of that all people across all categories WILL experience at some point in their lives. There is no escaping grief, unless you decide from birth to live on a deserted island alone and never have any intimate relationships until you die. The fact is that if you are a human being…and you are connected to at least one other human being, you will experience grief.
Just like having a baby, you can read about grief, you can try and prepare, you can be in the most peaceful place you can imagine, but until you are in grief there is no way to know. Before having a baby, like some people I judged how others parented. For example, I thought, “I would never let my kids watch TV that much.” Guess what my 4 and 5 yea old girls are doing as I write this blog? So grief is the same idea, you just can’t know until you know. When my mom got really sick, I read books, went to counseling, yoga, acupuncture the list goes on and on to prepare. I thought I need to be ready for this unimaginable hurt and pain. And guess what despite all the above, grief is still a MOFO.
Something else I learned is that grief chooses you. Think about that. You don’t get to decide when, where, and how you will grieve. Grief decides. In a sense you have little control over that part, you do have control over what you do with it when it comes. I’m not saying just sit back and do nothing, but instead ride the ride, be compassionate with yourself and know that grief represents the place that person held in your life. The ebbs and flows of grief to me are like the ocean. It feels like the mind/body/soul all at once is attempting to make sense of that impactful person no longer physically being in your presence. Some days you think, “ok, I am going to survive this” and on others you are drowning in sorrow. The healing process never ends, because your love for them never ends. Life changes, everything moves forward, we find ways of living, but at the end of the day grief is still a MOFO.